MyPillow Guy Running Crimestoppers Desk For Election Day

Date:

Good morning, America! It is Election Day, and today you choose whether it is time for more democracy or more fascism! And we have literally no idea what you are going to do! You’re weird and bad at elections like that sometimes, and quite frankly, some of you out there are just fucking idiots.

Not Wonkette readers, obviously! But some of your neighbors, unfortunately. 🙁

People who say they’re mad at the Supreme Court for overturning Roe v. Wade and that they are Democrats BUT YET “I’m shifting more towards Republican because I feel like they’re more geared towards business.” You betcha. Those “geared toward business” Republicans, like maybe the ones who are threatening companies who are unfairly refusing to give Grimes’s ex-boyfriend their advertising money, which makes baby bald freedom eagles cry because … ???

The point is it is Election Day, and regardless of if you are a smart voter or an abjectly stupid voter, no American has to worry whether it’ll get stolen because the MyPillow Guy is going to be running the crimestoppers desk, and he’ll be stopping the election crimes in real time.

Realtime crimetime transcript!

“We have great news. We’re going to be watching every race. We’re going to have the real-time crime desk going at FrankSpeech.com, everybody. You can watch me there tomorrow night.

Forget MSNBC or CNN, we’re watching FrankSpeech!

“I have cyber guys with me. Some of the best in the world and they’re going to be showing you charts of each race!

None of the other networks have charts of each race. They report things like “vote totals” and “late night dumps from DeKalb.” The MyPillow Guy’s got charts.

Are they stealing this one? Is there no fraud in this one?

“It’s going to be the real-time crime desk. We’re not going to let them steal this right in front of us this time. We know too much.”

THEY KNOWWWWWWW TOO MUCH.

In other extremely related news Dinesh D’Souza is telling people that if they see any mules, please contact the authorities and also put mule pictures on the internet. From what we understand, mules typically run in packs of about 2,000 and they look like this:

giphy mypillow guy running crimestoppers desk for election day

OK fine that is a donkey, the internet’s selection of mule .gifs is shit.

Don’t let that guy steal any elections either. And please for the love of Christ go vote.

[JoeMyGod]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!

Source: https://www.wonkette.com/mike-lindell-crime-desk-election-day

Oh hi there 👋 It’s nice to meet you.

Sign up to receive awesome content in your inbox, every month.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Share post:

Subscribe

spot_imgspot_img

Popular

More like this
Related

Analyzing Trump’s Question: Are We Better Off Than 4 Years Ago?

Four years ago, The COVID-19 pandemic created significant disruptions in the U.S. food system, resulting in shortages and higher prices for basic supplies and food.

Trump Russian Controlled, Maddow Slams Manafort, Brought In To Raise Russian Money, Destroy Ukraine

The connections between former President Donald Trump, his campaign chairman Paul Manafort, and Russia have been a subject of significant interest and investigation, particularly in the context of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election.

The Lauren Boebert Crime Family Strikes Again, Massive 22 Criminal Charges

Rep. Lauren Boebert’s son was arrested Tuesday and now faces 22 charges relating to an alleged crime wave in Colorado, authorities said.

Proof Trump Has Dementia Or Worse

Proof Trump Has Dementia Or Worse Proof that Trump has...